Cat Refuses To Die

“Despite his advanced age, near-complete physical decay, and constant bouts of renal failure, area cat Socrates vehemently refuses to die, sources reported Tuesday. “He’s a sweet old guy, and he’s been through a lot,” said Brian Pressman, 33, who received the cat as a birthday present during middle school. “But no matter how weak he seems or how many times he’s diagnosed with something fatal, he just keeps bouncing back. Every single time.” Added Pressman, with a sigh, “He sure is a persistent one.” In the past week alone, Pressman has taken Socrates to visit the veterinarian three times, missing a half day of work on Monday to treat the stubborn cat for a nagging eye infection. Once there, however, the veterinarian discovered that Socrates had developed ulcers and would require special medication that will likely lengthen the 19-year-old feline’s life for another unknown period of time.”